Practicing God's Presence

I picked up a little book many years ago at a thrift store call The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence.  All of about 95 short pages, this humble book teaches the simple but profound concept of resting in God's presence.  After all, centering prayer is not an end in itself.  It is like the key that opens us up to God's presence in a tangible way.  But we cannot not practice centering prayer all day long.  And yet, Brother Lawrence describes how he can rest in God's presence all day long, even in the midst of chores and duties, joys and struggles.  Brother Lawrence's simple prescription for dealing with the ebb and flow of daily life is really the goal of the contemplative life.  For our lives to be consumed by God's love and in turn to love Her with all that we possess in each moment, is the most that we could ever hope for in this life.  I know you might read this book and think, wow, there was not much to it.  But each time I read it I see jewels that were left out in plain sight, but that I overlooked because I did not have the eyes of faith to see them.  Do centering prayer, and read this book often, and together we will experience God's presence!

The Guilt Trip

There have been great periods of time in my life where guilt paralyzed me.  Self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness were the thoughts that consumed my mind and energies.  Wishing for death and actually praying to God for an end to it all played like a skipping record over and over again in my mind. My sins were constantly before me.  There seemed to be no hope or help to overcome them.  Then the slippery slide into despair would leave me hopeless and far from God.  How could God love me?  I was an utter failure at faith. It seemed as though God would drift away.  Not that I had given up on Him, but He was like the boogie board that was tethered to my ankle by a velcro strap when we vacationed in Maui.  After I crashed and got my wits about me, I would pull on the cord and the board would come and I would try to ride it again.  But the waves were too strong and the surf would slam me back into the sand and I would be separated from the board once again.  I would crash in my faith and I always felt the sensation that God removed himself from me.  There was a tether so I did not become utterly separated from Him, but at times it felt that He was very far away. I thought that God could not keep someone close that committed all the sins that I had.
Then I experienced the love of God.  Centering prayer seemed to be the the conduit by which that realization came.  Once I experienced His unconditional love then I realized that God did not separate himself from me.  It was I that separated myself from him and psychological guilt was the agent.  I have since come to recognize psychological guilt as the tool of the enemy.  Of course we are guilty of sin, just as I have been guilty of speeding on occasion and have had to pay a fine.  Psychological guilt is a sinister contrivance in that it reinforces the notion that we are not good enough, even though God sacrificed his Son to show us otherwise. Of course we are not good enough,  but God continues to love us anyway.  Now if I sin, I run straight back into the arms of God.  He is not surprised by my failure, it is only He that can give success anyway.  I surely cannot do anything that is good or noble or just.  If I do anything it is because of the love of God that lives and acts through me. Now when I screw up, and I do it often, I ask God's forgiveness and I move on.  By doing this I don't allow the enemy to play his guilt trip.

Cracked Pot

Just in case anyone actually reads this, I want to be sure I have not come across as someone who spiritually has it together.  Believe me, I do not.  I am a poor pilgrim who moves from day to day by the grace of God. I have come to understand that spirituality does not consist in what you know, but rather by who you know.  As long as I think I know something, the grace of God has no foothold.  When I throw up my arms in surrender, the door is open for grace to come in and reside.  The more I practice, the less I know and the less sure I am of the things I thought I knew.  This may seem like a shaky position to be in.  And at times, it is uncomfortable.  And yet, unless I am emptied of myself, how can God ever fill me with His treasure.  The spiritual life is a life of paradox.  If you want to be filled, you must empty yourself.  If you want to be found, then lose yourself.  If you want to live, you must die to self.  If we are willing to submit ourselves to God, he will begin separating the wheat from the chaff in us.  He will form us into what he purposed for us when he created us.  Is it painful? Yes, but He is there to carry that burden with us.  When I am weak, His grace is abundant.  When I am strong, I am just a cracked pot.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.

Prayer Support

I was reminded again the other night about the importance of a support group for a Centering Prayer Practice.  Within a few months of starting my practice, I began looking for a group in my area with which to associate.  Through Contemplative Outreach I found and contacted the group leader and attempted to attend a meeting.  However, I arrived late and got spooked and did not try to attend again for about 1 1/2 years.  It did not help that the church where the group met was much different than what I was used to.   Nonetheless,  I started attending about a year ago and the time spent with those people is very special.  

As you probably already know, the contemplative path is marked with landmarks.  Some are clearly recognizable, and others are not as evident.  A group, with people at different stages on the path, is able to give encouragement and support when things become murky and even difficult. The contemplative life is not a sprint, but an ultra-marathon.  That is not to say that it is all drudgery.  I often catch a second wind which propels me on to the next milestone. It is a great encouragement to be in the race with others who spur me on when I am spent and want to stop.  In turn, hopefully, I can do the same for them.  The other night was one of those nights when I received great encouragement from the group. I have grown to really love those people, and you know what?  We never talk about the differences in our beliefs.  It just never comes up. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Left on the Shelf

A few years ago my wife and I made a trip to the UK. On a tour of the Lake District, our tour guide pointed out a sheep farm that Beatrix Potter once owned. On the barn there was something resembling a covered balcony. This is the place where the maidens would spin the wool once it had been processed. This "shelf" was a term used for maidens that never married. They were said to have been "left on the shelf".

That idea of not being chosen can be a painful one and one that not just women who have not found love experience. The idea of not being good enough, or somehow being undesirable is a profoundly human condition that many, if not all of us, experience from time to time.  I have felt this was way in my service to God, having prepared to go to the mission field almost 30 years ago but never actually going. And then, several failed or botched ministry opportunities along the way.  I think there is this idea that I need to somehow be useful to God or maybe it has more to do with wanting to feel important.  Pride is a powerful drug with which I have often experimented. It's effects are both mesmerizing and lethal.  Fortunately my benevolent Creator has protected me of late from this drug.  I will admit that even this blog is a point of contention for me.  There are big gaps of time between postings because of this struggle with pride.  Is this really something that is pleasing to God, or is it just a chasing after vanity?  So writing may not be my vocation and who knows, this may be my last posting.  I am OK with that, but God does have a purpose for me.  I may not know what it is and I may never fully comprehend it in this life.  He has a purpose for all of us and he will fulfill it despite our blunders and missteps.  God leaves no one "on the shelf".

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Psalm 138:8

The practice of Lectio Divina(Divine Reading)

The following guidelines might be helpful in developing a practice of Lectio Divina.  

1. Reading - Read a short passage of scripture as if it was the first time you ever read it(less than 10 verses is ideal). Quiet your mind and try to listen for a word or phrase that bubbles up. The passage can be read a second time for this first reading if needed. Read slowly and wait on the Lord to reveal what he has for you in this passage.
2. Meditation - After the second reading ponder what Christ, through his Sprirt that lives in you, might be trying to communicate to you through the word or phrase that he has given you.
3. Prayer of the heart - we enter into a unique and spontaneous prayer to God which reaches out to him in ardent love. This prayer is more a prayer of relationship than of petition, though petition is by no means forbidden.
4. Contemplation - We sit in silence before God and allow him to work within us as he desires. If our thoughts come at us to try and disrupt this silence, we can gently repeat the word or phrase given during the reading to re-center us.

Luke 11:9 might be paraphrased in the following way to describe Lectio Divina:

Seek in READING,

and you will find in MEDITATION;

knock in PRAYER

and it will be opened to you

in CONTEMPLATION.

Passages for further Lectio:

James 5:13-20, Matt 6:9-15, Luke 9:46-50, John 10:9-15, John 6:44-47, Luke 22:24-27, John 14:16-19, Matt 25:14-30, Rev 7:13-17, Luke 7:11-17, Luke 8: 40-56, Matt 15:1-20, I Cor 1:25-31, Luke 12:4-12

Much of this material came from the book by Thelma Hall, Too Deep for Words.

Who do people say I am?

I try to do Lectio Divina each day at lunch as often as I can.  Today I was considering the passage in Mark 8 where Jesus asks his disciples, "Who do people say I am?" Everyone knows how the disciples responded and Peter's exclamation that he was the Messiah.  That bit was not remarkable, but the response Jesus gave was.  Jesus warned them not to tell anyone about him.  Some have posited that his time had not yet come and he wanted to avoid the people forcibly making him King.  From a rational point of view I suppose this makes sense, except for it totally dismisses the power of God and his divine providence.  Didn't Jesus say to Pilate, "You would have no power over me if it were not given from above."

Is it possible that Jesus was purposely avoiding notoriety and the public spectacle? Is it possible that the Christ hid in the shadows for a reason?  I cannot think of a time that Jesus forced his ideology on anyone.  Further, most of his teaching was done in parables, many of which his own disciples had difficulty grasping.  Mark paints a picture of Jesus crossing back and forth across the Sea of Galilee trying to avoid the crowds of thronging followers only to be found time and time again.  But herein lies the point I think.  Christ wants to be sought.  He wants us to seek him out.  He never turned away from those who found him. It is in the seeking that we experience the love of Christ.  Christ on a billboard is no savior, much of religion today promises much and delivers little because it provides all the answers.  Christ does not force himself on us, but he does ask, "Who do you say I am?"  Seek him and you will have your answer.

The Waiting Room

I can tell you that waiting is not one of my fondest pastimes.  I have been known to drive miles out of my way just so I don't have to wait for stoplights on busy thoroughfares.  Waiting in Dr's offices, waiting on hold, waiting for a deserved promotion, and waiting in line at WalMart.  All of these things are tedious and a seeming waste of my life. Centering prayer has definitely helped in this area.  One thing I have learned on this journey is that God's timetable is far different than mine.  His work of transformation in me is slow, but it is sure. I am so ready to move on in this spiritual quest, and yet here I am.  If my past life has taught me anything, it has taught me that I must wait.  Not only must I wait, He desires that I should be happy in that waiting.  "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." And surely he will come!

Adam

Stop Making Sense

This blog has been online for some time now.  I look at the stats and wonder what brings people to this site.  I would guess it may be something in the title that drew them.  I imagine that they click the link looking for something and then realize, "this is not what I was expecting" , and they go on their way.  However, if you are looking for information on the contemplative path and, God, by His divine providence, brought you here, know this.  Until you experience the Love of God in your life nothing will truly make sense.  I wish I could help you on your path to realizing that truth.  I can say it and you may know it.  But unless that knowledge is transformed into a living and breathing reality that lives in your heart then I fear you will be always seeing but never perceiving, always hearing but never understanding.  If you have not experienced the Love of God in your life I would suggest you do 2 things:  1. Seek after it with everything that is within you and do not stop seeking it. 2. Pray that God would give you the grace to receive it. Ultimately His love is His gift to give.  All we can do is receive it with gratitude.