Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. Final

So this has turned out to be something different than I intended. As Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit, says, "It's no use prevaricating about the bush." So we will have to get down to it at some point, so here goes. 

My life experiences have brought me to where I am. One final poignant example has been the realization, grief, despair, and finally acceptance of my oldest son's mental illness. A journey that started almost 9 years ago and will continue into the foreseeable future, has altered my sense of what is important in life. It has also taught me about unconditional love.

Those who are mentally ill are the pariah of our society. It is no less true in many churches today, where some even believe mental illness is a form of demon possession. I would be dishonest if I said that I did not entertain some of these notions before I was confronted with my own son's illness. It was literally devastating to see our brilliant child transformed into someone whose mind had betrayed him.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but the church we had been part of for over 15 years, with few exceptions, was not much help. I mean they offered platitudes and evoked concern for our situation, but that was pretty much it. I came to understand that many of the churches which I had been associated, were based on beliefs(orthodoxy). Belief-based churches tend to rally people around a set of beliefs. Some examples might be:the Bible is inerrant, evolution is a lie, Christianity is the only true religion, homosexuality is wrong. The problem with beliefs is they don't save anyone and have nothing to do with faith. They build rather than tear down walls. We can band around an idea and feel good about ourselves thinking we have the truth, but it does not really help the world. And pity the person that is converted to a church like this. Having beliefs is not the same thing as faith. Believing abortion is wrong does not save me or make me a good person. 

Living with a mentally ill son will challenge your beliefs. Things like "we have always tried to do the right things and this has happened, why? and what have we done to deserve this?" roll around in your head. But after a while it changes to "why does my son have to endure this, will he never get some relief?" Our so-called life-changing beliefs were reduced from mountains to molehills. We would go to church and there seemed to be a growing disconnect between what we dealt with on a daily basis and what people from church heard on FoxNews.

Our understanding of faith has changed from orthodoxy to orthopraxy. Orthopraxy is action-based not a belief-based faith. Living with my son has taught me to love, and I can assure you that love is an action verb. St. Francis of Assisi really put orthopraxy on the map. It was about love of neighbor that motivated him. It is about love of neighbor that motivates me now. We now go to a Lutheran Church that embraces the LGBTQ community, feeds the poor, and fights for social justice. I went to my first peaceful protest this past summer outside a large real estate company that was evicting people during the pandemic. A small step, but a step in the right direction I think if we desire to make this world a better place not for just white evangelical christians but for everyone. You might not be convinced by my rather ineffective arguments, but a quote from Mr. Rogers would be my hope for us all.

“Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are? Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life.”

Peace,

Adam

Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. 3

When I mentioned the things that life brings, this time was one of the darker times for me. We found ourselves in Seattle, 2000 miles away from our family and really no reason to be there. When we found out Kimberly was pregnant with our third child and the owners of the condo we were renting decided to sell, forcing us out, we decided to move back to Oklahoma. I am thankful for our families, without them I am not sure we would have made it. So many people in this world don't have the kind of support that our families provided us.

It was a humbling experience to say the least. After bouncing around several jobs I eventually went back to work as a copier tech, work I had done before in Tulsa and Seattle. At the same time I decided to go back to community college. My degree was in Biblical Studies, not a great degree for getting a job that would support my family. We were active in our church, but we found ourselves in the midst of a church split. Many families wanted the preacher fired and when he wasn't, they left. It was disconcerting because there were several families in the church that homeschooled their kids, as we did, and after the split we were the only homeschool family left. Eventually the preacher resigned anyway, but the families did not return. Now that I think of it, this seems like a recurrent theme that we lived. We put our heart and soul into a church and all the people we really bonded with would leave. In addition, as part of the minister selection committee, the only decent candidate on which we could agree had a very narrow view of who was a christian and who wasn't. I think deep down I probably thought that I could fix the issues with the churches we attended. All they needed was some good theology and they would change. We did eventually move to a different church, but it would only be a few months before we moved to Arkansas.

Fortunately, the UNIX classes I took at the community college landed me a job at Walmart's headquarters in Northwest Arkansas a couple of hours away. Finally, at age 33 I would start my career. On January 6, 1996 we moved to Arkansas. We had three children who were 8(Dietrich), 6(Annika), and 4(Erik) years old. We already had a homeschool group that we had come to know through Kimberly's sister who already lived in AR. We were hopeful for a new beginning.

Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. 2

Though the school I attended was not a seminary, the education and the experience was exceptional. Sharing chapels, lunches and retreats with fellow students and professors really stretched me in appropriate ways. Since many students who attended were from other christian denominations, my understanding of who was "christian" expanded. Studying literary criticism exploded my ideas about who actually wrote the bible. Ideas that were introduced in school have confused, confounded, enlightened and informed me, and continue to do so. It was an inflection point in my faith journey. 

I think at this point it is worth noting that faith is truly a journey and it is different for everyone. My understanding now is much different than it was 35 years ago and hopefully it will continue to evolve. To be a seeker is to be open to what life brings, both good and bad, filter it through the lens of faith and see the goodness on the other side. The alternative is stagnancy, bitterness and despair. Been there, done that and not interested in going back. 

Anyway, we enjoyed our time in Austin, and soon after graduation we were heading to Seattle, WA to meet up with a team that was going to Hungary. We had met some of the teammates in Hungary during a campaign the summer before. Everything was falling into place. It must be "God's will"! To be fair, things really had fallen into place. We were able to get our belongings moved for free, we had a place to stay when we got there and I had a job lined up.  At to this point we had a 21 month old son and a 3 month old daughter.

The team consisted of 3 couples and six singles. We became a tight community, having multiple retreats and meetings working out our plans. Anytime you get that close to people some conflict arises, but in the end there was a lot of love in that group. At the end of our 9 month team-building exercise we all attended a month-long mission seminar in Abilene Christian University in Texas. At the end of the seminar, it was decided that our family would not be going with the team to Hungary. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I was devastated.  We had spent 3 years preparing. We had sold off a lot of our possessions and had moved half way across the country. What happened? In September of 1990, we watched as the team left for Hungary and we were left behind.

Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt.1

In the past year a lot has happened, not the least being that Kimberly and I severed ties with a christian denomination that we had each been a part of for over 50 years. I had already been moving that way for some time, when earlier this year my wife came to her own decision to end the relationship.  My goal is to give a brief history of our personal experiences and how they contributed to our decision to end such a long relationship.  Though most of the experiences related will be mine, our decision to leave was a mutual decision. Our walk of faith is a walk together, and although we don't always keep the same pace, the goal is to finish together.

The church that we grew up in was primarily a fundamentalist white evangelical church. There were exceptions, as each church we attended was autonomous, but by and large the above description fits. Belief in the Bible and inerrancy of scripture is central to its understanding of faith and practice. Women are not permitted to teach or hold leadership positions. It condemns any sexual orientation outside of a marriage between a man and a woman. It ardently supports political candidates that are pro-life. And it holds that faith in Christ is the only path to salvation(no other religion is salvific and that even includes some christian denominations). This is, by no means, a comprehensive list, but I believe it is representative not only of the church we attended but much of evangelical christianity in America today.

Early in our marriage there was interest in doing mission work. Kimberly had participated in multiple campaigns to eastern Europe through Oklahoma Christian College. When we started dating she was scheduled to return for another summer visit. Despite my pleadings she departed for the summer long trip, and a few weeks later I had quit my job and followed her. I distinctly remember being sleep deprived and sipping cokes in the Vienna woods as I waited for Kimberly to return from the first campaign to Hungary in on July 4, 1986. That same year we wed and began preparations to return as missionaries to Hungary.

In our particular brand of evangelical christianity, all it really took to be a missionary was to raise funds from individual congregations.  There was no mission board with which to apply and no educational requirement was needed. If you could raise the funds, you could be a missionary.  There were a couple options if you did desire some formal training. You could go to a preacher's training school or a college that was affiliated with our particular denomination.  Big surprise, we did neither.  Based on a recommendation from an elder at our church in Stillwater, OK, we decided to go to a accredited school that had been a bible chair at the University of Texas at Austin. BTW, we found out within a few months after we married that Kimberly was expecting our 1st child.

Roughly 2 months before our first anniversary and 3 months before the birth of our first child, we had packed up everything and were heading to Austin, TX.  Despite the mixed feelings I have had about the church we chose to invest so much of our lives, the 2 years spent in Austin were refreshing. The professors at that school had Phd's from prestigious universities like Yale, Union Theological, and Emory.  Though their roots were in my particular denomination, they had embraced the broader theological scholarship and, in turn, encouraged us to explore our beliefs and the beliefs of the churches of which we had been a part. In addition, there were like 12 students in my class and we all had the same classes.  The result was a community.  

On the Face of It

I had always resisted the urge to to create a Facebook account until a couple of weeks ago. For whatever reason, I decided to throw my lot in with the millions of others, thinking maybe I could speak a good and kind word to those needing to hear it. And maybe some did hear a positive message, but it seems to me that for all of the promise of FB, it mostly consists of hollow cliches and political tribalism.  It is jarring to see in one post an uplifting spiritual quote and in the next a political rant on the justification for assassinating a foreign leader. And the most troubling is that the 2 posts might be from the same person. It seems to me that Facebook has finally, without any coercion, unmasked the hypocrisy of organized religion in general and christianity in particular as if it needed any help. Christian's can say they love Jesus, but hate Democrats. They can say they love their neighbor, but support carrying concealed weapons. I wonder if Jesus would really align himself with either political party. One of the problems with political parties and the church is they like to talk about things they believe, but do nothing about it. I know this may seem harsh, but hardly anyone reads this anyway, so for me it's a way of getting it off my chest. These are many of the reasons I quit the church to begin with. I think Kimberly is relieved I have left because she does not like confrontation and though I used to enjoy it, it no longer produces joy in me. So my Facebook experiment has come to an end and I now have unfriended everyone, no offense.

Peace,

Adam

Dust in the Wind

I'll have to admit, I really like music, and especially music that has meaningful lyrics.  Music can communicate in ways that mere words cannot.  Dust in the Wind communicates the impermanence of things in a powerful way, especially our tendency to try and hold on to things that are passing, sometimes to our own detriment.  I feel this way about the church I have been part of for over 23 years.  I have seen so many people come and go over that period of time.  Some left and returned after a period of time, some left though we maintained  a relationship, and some left and we never saw them again.  One thing is certain, there is a period of grieving for those who remain. You wonder, why are all these people leaving, and why am I still here? There have been a couple exoduses that were especially painful for me because those who left were very special to me and my family.  But we endured.  I did not want to be a leaver.  I cared for those whom I would leave and did not want to cause them more pain.  But in a way, if I were honest, I think I have resented them because I felt they were part of the reason that people left.  I am not saying that I don't love them, but I haven't always been as loving as I should.
Over the course of the last 7 to 8 years, my spiritual direction has changed. I have been compelled to share my spiritual experiences with the church.  And as dutiful members they have come and listened, but my efforts have never seemed to produce much fruit. Recently I had thought I might try once again to resurrect a spiritual dialogue by starting a book study.  But as I read through the book, I realized that I was really trying to force something on them that they were not ready to accept.  I am not saying that I am spiritually superior to them, just that they are not ready to hear what I have to share.  That is totally OK, but there is a part of me that needs to feel useful.  There may be others that need to hear and are ready to listen.  Maybe that is what Jesus was indicating when he told his disciples to wipe the dust off their feet and go to other towns to share the "good news". At some point you have to fish or cut bait. I am not doing them or myself a favor by staying. Sometimes you have to leave to appreciate what you had, sometimes its just time to leave and make a new start.  Nothing is permanent.  Everything is Dust in the Wind.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

When I was in college this song, by The Clash, was very popular.  "Should I stay or should I go?  If I stay it will be trouble.  If I go it will be double."  I really liked this song and maybe subconsciously I incorporated its message into my life.  Early on, I tended toward the going rather than the staying.  But having a family somewhat necessitated putting down some roots, and I did.  Some 23 years later I seem to be firmly entrenched in the staying mode.  I have been 23 years at the same company, 23 years at the same church, and 20 years in the same house.  The definition of inertia is that a body at rest tends to stay at rest, while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. To overcome inertia you have to apply force. To say that I am stuck at rest would be an understatement.  I am a helpless victim of inertia. This stuckness has consumed my waking thoughts of late.  I have initiated some lame attempts at finding a new job and have visited another church a couple of times but nothing has come of it.  I have firmly come to the conclusion that I should go, but how, and by what force?  Sheer force of will is certainly an option, but there is a crippling fear of making a bad decision.  Lord knows I have made enough bad decisions for a lifetime, and I have my family to consider.  Taking a "leap of faith" seems somewhat irresponsible, but am I just being influenced by what conventional wisdom says? I have known people who took a leap of faith and came out fine. And last Sunday I decided I was going to go to a different church, and I did and felt good about it, but soon afterward I started to second-guess that decision. The other option is waiting for a push.  I must confess that I like this option, but what if the push I am really waiting for is a nudge, and I misinterpret the nudge as a push when it was really indigestion or some hair-brained scheme I came up with.  It has become a psychosis of sorts.  As of right now I have decided to go to the other church despite my misgivings. Changing churches seems like the easiest thing to accomplish and maybe making one choice will facilitate the making of others.  Finally, it seems like fear is my primary hindrance to change.  I desire to live my life in freedom, not fear.  So I am going to move forward.  I'll keep you posted on the progress out of the rut. It may take a while.

Peace,
Adam