My life experiences have brought me to where I am. One final poignant example has been the realization, grief, despair, and finally acceptance of my oldest son's mental illness. A journey that started almost 9 years ago and will continue into the foreseeable future, has altered my sense of what is important in life. It has also taught me about unconditional love.
Those who are mentally ill are the pariah of our society. It is no less true in many churches today, where some even believe mental illness is a form of demon possession. I would be dishonest if I said that I did not entertain some of these notions before I was confronted with my own son's illness. It was literally devastating to see our brilliant child transformed into someone whose mind had betrayed him.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but the church we had been part of for over 15 years, with few exceptions, was not much help. I mean they offered platitudes and evoked concern for our situation, but that was pretty much it. I came to understand that many of the churches which I had been associated, were based on beliefs(orthodoxy). Belief-based churches tend to rally people around a set of beliefs. Some examples might be:the Bible is inerrant, evolution is a lie, Christianity is the only true religion, homosexuality is wrong. The problem with beliefs is they don't save anyone and have nothing to do with faith. They build rather than tear down walls. We can band around an idea and feel good about ourselves thinking we have the truth, but it does not really help the world. And pity the person that is converted to a church like this. Having beliefs is not the same thing as faith. Believing abortion is wrong does not save me or make me a good person.
Living with a mentally ill son will challenge your beliefs. Things like "we have always tried to do the right things and this has happened, why? and what have we done to deserve this?" roll around in your head. But after a while it changes to "why does my son have to endure this, will he never get some relief?" Our so-called life-changing beliefs were reduced from mountains to molehills. We would go to church and there seemed to be a growing disconnect between what we dealt with on a daily basis and what people from church heard on FoxNews.
Our understanding of faith has changed from orthodoxy to orthopraxy. Orthopraxy is action-based not a belief-based faith. Living with my son has taught me to love, and I can assure you that love is an action verb. St. Francis of Assisi really put orthopraxy on the map. It was about love of neighbor that motivated him. It is about love of neighbor that motivates me now. We now go to a Lutheran Church that embraces the LGBTQ community, feeds the poor, and fights for social justice. I went to my first peaceful protest this past summer outside a large real estate company that was evicting people during the pandemic. A small step, but a step in the right direction I think if we desire to make this world a better place not for just white evangelical christians but for everyone. You might not be convinced by my rather ineffective arguments, but a quote from Mr. Rogers would be my hope for us all.
“Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are? Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life.”
Peace,
Adam
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