Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. Final

So this has turned out to be something different than I intended. As Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit, says, "It's no use prevaricating about the bush." So we will have to get down to it at some point, so here goes. 

My life experiences have brought me to where I am. One final poignant example has been the realization, grief, despair, and finally acceptance of my oldest son's mental illness. A journey that started almost 9 years ago and will continue into the foreseeable future, has altered my sense of what is important in life. It has also taught me about unconditional love.

Those who are mentally ill are the pariah of our society. It is no less true in many churches today, where some even believe mental illness is a form of demon possession. I would be dishonest if I said that I did not entertain some of these notions before I was confronted with my own son's illness. It was literally devastating to see our brilliant child transformed into someone whose mind had betrayed him.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but the church we had been part of for over 15 years, with few exceptions, was not much help. I mean they offered platitudes and evoked concern for our situation, but that was pretty much it. I came to understand that many of the churches which I had been associated, were based on beliefs(orthodoxy). Belief-based churches tend to rally people around a set of beliefs. Some examples might be:the Bible is inerrant, evolution is a lie, Christianity is the only true religion, homosexuality is wrong. The problem with beliefs is they don't save anyone and have nothing to do with faith. They build rather than tear down walls. We can band around an idea and feel good about ourselves thinking we have the truth, but it does not really help the world. And pity the person that is converted to a church like this. Having beliefs is not the same thing as faith. Believing abortion is wrong does not save me or make me a good person. 

Living with a mentally ill son will challenge your beliefs. Things like "we have always tried to do the right things and this has happened, why? and what have we done to deserve this?" roll around in your head. But after a while it changes to "why does my son have to endure this, will he never get some relief?" Our so-called life-changing beliefs were reduced from mountains to molehills. We would go to church and there seemed to be a growing disconnect between what we dealt with on a daily basis and what people from church heard on FoxNews.

Our understanding of faith has changed from orthodoxy to orthopraxy. Orthopraxy is action-based not a belief-based faith. Living with my son has taught me to love, and I can assure you that love is an action verb. St. Francis of Assisi really put orthopraxy on the map. It was about love of neighbor that motivated him. It is about love of neighbor that motivates me now. We now go to a Lutheran Church that embraces the LGBTQ community, feeds the poor, and fights for social justice. I went to my first peaceful protest this past summer outside a large real estate company that was evicting people during the pandemic. A small step, but a step in the right direction I think if we desire to make this world a better place not for just white evangelical christians but for everyone. You might not be convinced by my rather ineffective arguments, but a quote from Mr. Rogers would be my hope for us all.

“Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are? Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life.”

Peace,

Adam

Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. 3

When I mentioned the things that life brings, this time was one of the darker times for me. We found ourselves in Seattle, 2000 miles away from our family and really no reason to be there. When we found out Kimberly was pregnant with our third child and the owners of the condo we were renting decided to sell, forcing us out, we decided to move back to Oklahoma. I am thankful for our families, without them I am not sure we would have made it. So many people in this world don't have the kind of support that our families provided us.

It was a humbling experience to say the least. After bouncing around several jobs I eventually went back to work as a copier tech, work I had done before in Tulsa and Seattle. At the same time I decided to go back to community college. My degree was in Biblical Studies, not a great degree for getting a job that would support my family. We were active in our church, but we found ourselves in the midst of a church split. Many families wanted the preacher fired and when he wasn't, they left. It was disconcerting because there were several families in the church that homeschooled their kids, as we did, and after the split we were the only homeschool family left. Eventually the preacher resigned anyway, but the families did not return. Now that I think of it, this seems like a recurrent theme that we lived. We put our heart and soul into a church and all the people we really bonded with would leave. In addition, as part of the minister selection committee, the only decent candidate on which we could agree had a very narrow view of who was a christian and who wasn't. I think deep down I probably thought that I could fix the issues with the churches we attended. All they needed was some good theology and they would change. We did eventually move to a different church, but it would only be a few months before we moved to Arkansas.

Fortunately, the UNIX classes I took at the community college landed me a job at Walmart's headquarters in Northwest Arkansas a couple of hours away. Finally, at age 33 I would start my career. On January 6, 1996 we moved to Arkansas. We had three children who were 8(Dietrich), 6(Annika), and 4(Erik) years old. We already had a homeschool group that we had come to know through Kimberly's sister who already lived in AR. We were hopeful for a new beginning.

Why I left Evangelical Christianity Pt. 2

Though the school I attended was not a seminary, the education and the experience was exceptional. Sharing chapels, lunches and retreats with fellow students and professors really stretched me in appropriate ways. Since many students who attended were from other christian denominations, my understanding of who was "christian" expanded. Studying literary criticism exploded my ideas about who actually wrote the bible. Ideas that were introduced in school have confused, confounded, enlightened and informed me, and continue to do so. It was an inflection point in my faith journey. 

I think at this point it is worth noting that faith is truly a journey and it is different for everyone. My understanding now is much different than it was 35 years ago and hopefully it will continue to evolve. To be a seeker is to be open to what life brings, both good and bad, filter it through the lens of faith and see the goodness on the other side. The alternative is stagnancy, bitterness and despair. Been there, done that and not interested in going back. 

Anyway, we enjoyed our time in Austin, and soon after graduation we were heading to Seattle, WA to meet up with a team that was going to Hungary. We had met some of the teammates in Hungary during a campaign the summer before. Everything was falling into place. It must be "God's will"! To be fair, things really had fallen into place. We were able to get our belongings moved for free, we had a place to stay when we got there and I had a job lined up.  At to this point we had a 21 month old son and a 3 month old daughter.

The team consisted of 3 couples and six singles. We became a tight community, having multiple retreats and meetings working out our plans. Anytime you get that close to people some conflict arises, but in the end there was a lot of love in that group. At the end of our 9 month team-building exercise we all attended a month-long mission seminar in Abilene Christian University in Texas. At the end of the seminar, it was decided that our family would not be going with the team to Hungary. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I was devastated.  We had spent 3 years preparing. We had sold off a lot of our possessions and had moved half way across the country. What happened? In September of 1990, we watched as the team left for Hungary and we were left behind.